If you were told as a young married couple that there is a “magical six hours” that you can spend in your relationship that can have a dramatic and positive change on you and your spouse, would you be interested?
Dr. John M. Gottman in his book “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”, followed up on some Seattle couples that attended his workshops. Dr. Gottman wanted to distinguish between couples whose marriages continued to improve and those whose were suffering, and find out what was helping those to succeed. They found that there was an extra six hours during the week that the couples spent talking and being with one another. Here is what they found:
“1. Partings- Make sure that before you say good-bye in the morning you’ve learned about one thing that is happening in your spouse’s life that day.
time- 2 minutes a day x 5 working days
total- 10 minutes
2. Reunions- We recommend a hug and a kiss that lasts at least six seconds. The six-second kiss is worth coming home to. Also, be sure to engage in a stress-reducing conversation at the end of each workday for at least 20 minutes.
time- 20 min. a day x 5 days
total- 1 hour 40 minutes
3. Admiration and appreciation- Find some way every day to communicate genuine affection and appreciation toward your spouse. Genuinely say, “I love you.”
time- 5 minutes a day x 7 days
total- 35 minutes
4. Affection- Show each other physical affection when you’re together during the day, and make sure to always embrace before going to sleep. Even if on occasion your goodnight kiss just lasts for microseconds, think of it as a way to let go of any minor irritations that have built up over the day. In other words, always lace your kiss with forgiveness and tenderness for your partner.
time-5 minutes a day x 7 days
total- 35 minutes
5. Weekly date- This just-the-two-of-you time can be a relaxing, romantic way to stay connected. Ask open-ended questions.
time- 2 hours once a week
total- 2 hours
6. State of the union meeting- Select one hour a week to talk about your relationship this week. Keep this time sacred. Begin by talking about what went right. Then give each other five appreciations you haven’t yet expressed. Try to be specific. Next, discuss any issues that may have arisen. Ask, “What can I do to make you feel loved this coming week?”
time- 1 hour a week
GRAND TOTAL— SIX HOURS”
I was really excited to learn about the “Magic Six Hours”. I am going to be mindful of these 6 steps and try to focus on them because it is a great way to stay connected to your spouse and strengthen my marriage!
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